The Stevens Family

National Infertility Awareness Week is April 20-26, 2025. One in six couples struggle with infertility, so unfortunately it is not a rare occurrence. Genetic conditions, toxic overload, medications, and poor nutrition have contributed to this epidemic.

I recently shared a blog post about mine and Perry’s journey with infertility. Finding out you will likely never bear children who are genetically related to you is heartbreaking. God gave humans a natural desire to have children, and it is a good longing. We should not flippantly dismiss such a diagnosis, and I believe there should be far more efforts to find answers than to push people into IVF and other forms of assisted reproduction.

I had a doctor laugh in my face when I asked if Perry’s condition could be improved by diet or exercise or even if it could have been caused by a childhood surgery. The doctor had no answers other than to go straight to in vitro fertilization; he was not interested in getting to the root cause of the issue. I can only assume that’s because finding the root cause would not have benefitted him financially.

Processing the news that you may never have children who share your physical or emotional characteristics is a lot to digest. It’s heavy, and it should be.

However, through the grief of infertility, we have been immensely blessed. How can this be? How can blessing be coupled with heartache? If the Lord had given us children who share our DNA, we likely never would’ve pursued embryo adoption.

When I think about not having Walt and Lumi and their four siblings who sadly didn’t survive the thaw and their little sibling who is still cryopreserved in a test tube, my heart breaks. Nothing could make these babies any more ours than they already are. We wholeheartedly believe God placed these babies in our family before He laid the foundation of the earth. They’ve always been ours; God always intended for us to raise them, and we couldn’t be more honored.

For us, embryo adoption was not our backup plan or a last resort. However, I’m just not sure it would’ve entered into our minds as an option if we’d had genetic children. As I mentioned in the post about our own infertility journey, I didn’t grieve the idea of not having children genetically related to me as much as Perry did. I’m so thankful for that blessing, because I know that’s not everyone’s experience. I just had such a peace that can only be explained in the Lord. I fully trusted that because the Bible promises that children are a blessing, that God would give me a child.

As I came to learn about embryo adoption, I was certain this was the path for us. Perry took a bit more convincing, but he was open-minded the whole time. As silly as it might sound, I felt connected to my embryos as soon as I learned about the process. I knew in my heart that I had babies sitting in a freezer in Knoxville, Tennessee. From that point forward, I felt so burdened by “leaving” them on ice, even though we had no clue who “they” were. In fact, we hadn’t even been approved to adopt or gained access to the embryo database!

Still, I knew there were babies waiting for me.

I’d waited years, longing for a baby. Then it seemed like we’d found the perfect path forward, and God put my plans on hold once again through Perry’s stroke. Throughout his recovery, I knew why Perry wasn’t ready to pursue embryo adoption, and I respected it. On some level, I agreed with it. He wanted to make sure he could take care of himself and me before we added little ones to the mix, and given his circumstances, I think that was very wise. Still, it felt like our family was in limbo.

I was always drawn to the idea of adopting “older” embryos, which meant the whole time, I knew they were just sitting on ice waiting for me. When Perry (somewhat reluctantly) agreed that we could move forward, I was elated. I shared about that process in this blog post.

Personally, I never have moments of longing for a child that shares my genetics. I don’t say that to insinuate that others who adopt don’t feel that longing or that there’s anything whatsoever wrong with that desire. As I said before, it is natural and God-given. I say that simply to put the kindness of God on display. I prayed many times as we cried out for children that God would replace the desires of my heart with His; that He would mold my will to His. In this case, it is evident that he answered that prayer.

His will was that we would adopt Walt, Lumi, and their five siblings who had been frozen in tubes since 1999. He led us on quite the journey to get to them, and the adventure will continue for the rest of our lives. But for us, infertility is a blessing.