The Stevens Family

I’m not surprised that the world hates embryo adoption. Overwhelmingly, Christians are the ones who adopt embryos remaining from IVF cycles, and the devil hates babies who will be raised in Christian homes. 

What has shocked me are those professing Christians who hate embryo adoption. 

Perhaps you’re thinking that no Christian hates adoption. No one who claims to follow Christ really thinks it’s better for a baby to die than to be adopted into a loving Christian home. I thought that as well until a 10 second video of my adopted babies went viral. More than 5 million people have seen it and continue to engage with it. 

The Logical Fallacy of the False Dichotomy

On one side is the world — the people who hate unborn babies but ironically pretend to be their biggest advocates once they’re born. This camp argues that embryos are not humans, they feel nothing, and they do not deserve a family as much as a child already born. They argue bringing children into the world in this way is satisfying a selfish desire to be pregnant and give birth. They commit a logical fallacy by claiming that if you adopt a child in his or her earliest stage and tiniest form, you don’t care about other children.

Why didn’t you adopt a living child?

Imagine being a child in foster care finding out someone chose a clump of cells over you.

If you’re pro-life, why don’t you care about kids in the system?

You’re selfish for wanting to be pregnant.

You should give them back to their real parents.

You stole embryos from another woman.

You didn’t want a child with issues.

You deprived them of their genetic history.

These are just a handful of the many ignorant comments I’ve received, but as I’ve interacted with them, I’ve found that it’s impossible to earn their seal of approval. If you adopt an embryo, you should’ve adopted a “real baby.” If you adopt a baby, you must not care about teens. If you adopt a teen, you took them from their family. If you adopt internationally, you hate domestic children. The best part is that the vast majority of these keyboard warriors have never adopted, fostered, or served orphans in any way. But again, this is not surprising behavior from the world. 

Holier Than Thou

On the other side are the self righteous zealots who argue that if you adopt embryos, you are participating in an evil industry. They agree that life begins at fertilization and that every person is made in the image of God, but they unashamedly advocate for these babies to be left to die in a freezer so as not to enable the IVF dilemma. These are the present-day Pharisees. They are far too holy and self-righteous to participate in something that might be messy or carry baggage. Instead, they sit behind their screens and condemn others. 

To this group I would ask — are the only adoptable orphans those whose parents were innocent? What about the child who was abused or neglected? The child whose mom uses drugs? The one whose dad is in prison? Are we participating in abuse, neglect, drug use, or criminal activity if we adopt children out of these circumstances? Should babies suffer so that we as Christians don’t enable the bad behavior of their parents?

A Side Note About IVF

Now, it should go without saying (but nothing seems to go without saying these days so I will say it explicitly) that I am NOT comparing IVF to any of the things I listed above. While I do believe there are ethical concerns with IVF, particularly as it is commonly practiced in the United States, it is mostly done by good, loving couples who long for a baby. My heart breaks for the husband and wife who go through IVF and aren’t informed by their doctor that they will be creating far more embryos than they ever intend to transfer. I can’t fathom getting a letter in the mail saying it’s time to transfer, destroy, or put my embryos up for adoption once I’m past the age of bearing children. 

Their Story for God’s Glory

Many of my new internet “friends” have chided me for sharing Walt and Lumi’s story, but I have believed and continue to trust that God is going to use their testimonies in a mighty way to advance His kingdom and bring glory to Him. Embryo adoption is such a unique and confusing process, but it’s also beautiful and redemptive and amazing. It’s one I obviously feel so passionate about. There are millions of babies cryopreserved, sitting in a freezer, waiting to be adopted. Waiting for the warmth of a mama’s womb where they can grow into the image-bearers God created them to be.

Adoption can, at times, be painful for all involved, but it is a beautiful picture of the gospel.

Because of the Father’s love for Christ, the Father has adopted us into the royal family, making us joint heirs with Christ. We are beloved of the Father because He is beloved of the Father, and we ought never to forget that. He is the eternal object of the Father’s affection, and we are the Father’s gifts of love to His Son. We are adopted by the Father in Christ, and the Father loves us because we are in the Son.

R.C. Sproul

Not everyone is called to adopt embryos — not everyone is called to adopt period. But if we are Christians, we are called to care for orphans. 

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

James 1:27

This might not involve fostering or adopting in your home. Perhaps it includes helping to meet their needs financially, serving them with your time, or advocating for them. I don’t know what that looks like for you and your family according to your own conscience, but I do not with certainty is that it does not include arguing that it’s better for them to die than to be adopted.